Surviving the UnimaginableBy Ruth Janie WebbHe beat me with a hammer. He beat me with a bat. He strangled me until all of my breath had gone and I was left for dead. He shoved the barrel of a 22 riffle in my mouth and told me hed blow my brains out and kill the children too. So when he spit on me, bit me, slapped me or kicked me, it didnt seem so bad. Self-esteem? What self-esteem! As bad as the physical abuse was, the mental abuse seemed almost worse. My husband would brag tome that he had other women that were prettier, smarter and more desirable. I was left alone with the children for days at a time. He would leave because the house was too noisy. Hed leave when the bills were due. Hed leave to visit those other women. If I dared ask where hed been, hed beat me yet again. Women who stay in abusive relationships are afraid. Only God can deliver. It takes God to give a woman the strength and ability she needs to step away from this type of demonic, controlling relationship. I know the excuses. I used them myself. I dont have any where to go. There is always somewhere to go. I dont want to leave my stuff. Baby, when youre really ready and you have had enough, you will leave everything. When I left my first husband, I left everything in that house. I went to work and never returned. I only had the clothes on my back. My babies need their daddy. If you dont seek help and leave that abusive relationship, you and your babies will end up dead. He will kill me if I leave. He will kill you if you stay. He will change. No, he wont! Not without Gods help. He has to want Gods help for himself, not because you want him to want God. He said he was sorry. He is sorry if he put his hands on you. He is a coward living in the shell of a man. He loves me. Love is not abusive. He only does it when hes drunk. Then he needs to stop drinking. These are just a few of our excuses. No one deserves to be beaten, no one. Not for any reason. Stop blaming yourself. I thank God that He was with me and allowed me to make it out alive. It was only His divine protection and love that allowed us to make it out alive. You must stop endangering and damaging yourself and your children. Once I gave my life to God, I no longer had low self esteem. I picked up my head and walked in who God said I was. I survived the unimaginable and you can too. Now instead of dwelling on the pain and regret of 29 1/2 years of marriage that nearly killed me and my children, I am using the experience to help others. God is using me to encourage and minister to both men and women who are in abusive relationships. My life is a miracle. My mess had been turned into a message of hope and healing. I pray you allow God to do the same for you.
