100個爸爸送給你的真愛語錄
 
作者: Jonathan Brody 
出版社: 紅通通文化
書城編號: 19207714

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出版日期: 2021/03
頁數: 176
ISBN: 9789869782272

 
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親子溝通是一個家庭中最重要也是最難克服的課題之一,古今中外皆是如此。長久以來大家都認為華人的家庭較強調權威,父母與孩子之間存在的是尊卑長幼的關係,兩者之間明顯有一道鴻溝界線;而西方家庭則重視孩子的獨立思考,多數時候是讓孩子自由發展,彼此之間彷彿是朋友平輩。

然而事實並非如此,西方的父母親一開始也是認為小孩子什麼都不懂,凡事聽父母的就對了;而孩子們也會認為父母提出的意見很不切實際,甚至沒有站在自己的立場去思考所面臨的問題。

面對同樣的狀況,卻因東西方父母對於親子之間衝突的思維及處理方式不同,因此造就不同彼此的結果與文化。

Jonathan是一個在台灣生活超過30年的美國人,他選擇在這片土地上落地生根,也因此可以同時接收東西方文化的薰陶。當他在面對親子溝通這個重大的課題時,一開始也是跟你我一樣,面臨到許多的挫折與不安。

他有一個兒子跟一個女兒,他在孩子面前表現的就是典型的父母,始終堅持最了解狀況,不停提出自以為是的建議,並認為總有一天他們會理解自己的觀點。

兩個孩子則是典型的青少年,總是不同意老爸的觀點,經常為了一些事跟老爸爭論,不停地對他翻白眼與抱怨。

某次與女兒爭論後,Jonathan感到無比的挫折,因此在臉書發文詢問他的好友:

如果時光能倒流,讓你給15歲的自己一個建議,你會說什麼?
一夕之間,Jonathan的臉書竟湧入來自世界各地好友們的建議,有人分享對愛情的觀念,有人分享如何成功的祕訣,也有人分享快樂之道,更有人分享人際交往應注意的事項。
當Jonathan和他的孩子分享這一篇篇的貼文時,有些讓他們點頭稱是,有些則是會心一笑,甚至到最後,他們還意猶未盡,不斷地追還有沒有這樣的東西?
「別再迷戀她了,她明明沒那麼喜歡你。而且,當你嘗試挽回無法挽回的事情時,你就不會注意到那些經過你身邊的任何一絲可能性。」
「在面對挑戰和艱困的時刻時,應該採取一些能在事後讓你感到自豪的作為。」
「不要自以為是。通常,你自己並沒有你想像的好。相反地,盡可能成為最好的人。做你想做的那個人。」
「原諒自己過去所做的愚蠢事。沒錯,你是個白痴,但我們全都是。」
「人生之所以會成功,很大程度取決於你願意進行多少次不自在的談話。」
這本是Jonathan與你分享有關愛情的智慧語錄,希望它也能幫助您和您的家人找到同樣的東西。

本書特色

生活可能令人沮喪,成長可能令人迷惘。
人際關係其實複雜,愛情不能永遠瀟灑。
試圖靠自己弄清楚所有這些事,可能使人筋疲力竭。
因而每個人都需要找到人生經驗和智慧的來源。
有人曾說:「免費的建議往往要價不菲」。話雖如此,但他人的經驗常常會對我們有參考價值。
這本書滿滿都是免費的建議,而且是由不認識您,也不了解您的問題的人免費提供。閱讀時,請注意與您產生共鳴的特別建議。也許您會發現一些與您正在經歷的事情直接相關的建議。您可以利用這些建議,作為與了解您和您所面臨挑戰的人,開始進行有用的對話的一種方式。
與您信任的人分享這些建議:您的朋友、父母和師長。詢問他們的想法,他們可能會提供新的視角,幫助您找到所需的答案。
即使日後隨著年齡的增長,您對建議和訊息的需求也因此改變,但是您總能在本書中找到不會過時的智慧。

名人推薦

徐建國 建國高級中學校長

鈕則勳 中國文化大學教授

蔡東杰 國立中興大學教授

作者

Jonathan Brody

高中時的Jonathan Brody,自欺欺人地說服自己,認為之所以學不好法文,問題是在法文而不是他自己。至於明顯的解決之道,就是改學中文。三年後,他才終於承認,問題就是他自己。
「 去台灣吧,」他的中文老師說:「你說不定能在那兒學點東西。」
 於是,一九八九年,十九歲的他離開了波士頓,來到台北,在學習中文的同時展開了一場冒險。抵達台北三週後,他愛上一個遠比他聰明也比他有趣的女孩,從這時開始,這場冒險變成了他們倆的共同體驗。不過,正如她時常提醒Jonathan的,他的中文仍有很大進步空間。
 過去三十年,他在這裡當過廚師、走私販、老師、編輯、「社群媒體企業家」、(兩度成為)博士生、記者、完全不勝任的護膚產品業務員、難以卒讀的學術論文譯者,以及兩個小鬼的老爸,並因此得到本書中這些精彩但多半不太可靠的教養心得。
顯然地,現在還要再加上本書作者的新身份。
 

目錄

CHAPTER 1 青春之愛
CHAPTER 2 男女之愛
CHAPTER 3 夫妻之愛
CHAPTER 4 性愛
 

序/導讀

Preface

Hey! Stop! You need to read this first.

Someone once said, “Free advice is often overpriced”. He was right.

This book is full of free advice, freely given from people who do not know you, and do not understand your problems. The advice these people offer is based on their own experience, which may be very different from yours. Therefore, you need to be careful about choosing which advice, if any, to follow, and how to apply it to your own life. Good advice for one person may be very bad advice for someone else.

That said, the experience of other people often can provide value in our own lives. Human relationships are complicated. Life can be frustrating. Growing up can be confusing. Trying to figure all this out on your own can be exhausting. Everyone needs to find sources of experience and wisdom in their lives. Some people look to their parents and grandparents. Others find it in literature or religion. However, wherever you find that wisdom and experience, it’s up to you to decide if it’s right for you.

As you read, take note of particular advice that resonates with you. Maybe you’ll find something that’s directly related to something you’re going through right now. Maybe you’ll find something that you completely disagree about. You can use these pieces of advice as a way to start useful conversations with people in your own life, people who do understand you and know about the challenges you’re facing. Share these pieces of advice with people you trust: your friends, your parents and your teachers. Ask them what they think – they may offer a new perspective that helps you find the answers you’re looking for.

前言

嘿! 等等! 您得先讀讀這個。

有人曾說:“免費的建議往往要價不菲”。他是對的。

這本書滿滿都是免費的建議,而且是由不認識您,也不了解您的問題的人免費提供。這些人所提供的建議乃是根據他們自己的經驗,可能與您的經驗截然不同。因此,您需要謹慎地選擇遵循什麼建議(如果有的話),以及如何將其運用於自己的生活。有些建議對某人而言是好的建議;但對其他人來說,卻又是非常的不恰當。

話雖這麼說,他人的經驗常常會對我們有參考價值。人際關係很複雜。生活可能令人沮喪。成長可能令人迷惘。試圖靠自己弄清楚所有這些事,可能使人筋疲力竭。每個人都需要找到人生經驗和智慧的來源。有些人仰望父母和祖父母。其他人則轉向文學或宗教。但是,無論您在哪裡找到智慧和經驗,是否合適都取決於您自己。

閱讀時,請注意與您產生共鳴的特別建議。也許您會發現一些與您正在經歷的事情直接相關的建議。也許您會發現您完全不同意的建議。您可以利用這些建議,作為與了解您和您所面臨挑戰的人,開始進行有用的對話的一種方式。與您信任的人分享這些建議:您的朋友、父母和師長。詢問他們的想法 - 他們可能會提供新的視角,幫助您找到所需的答案。

Introduction

This book started with frustration and a Facebook post. I’d gotten into an argument with my daughter over dinner. What was the argument about? I really can’t even remember, but I was being the typical parent, insisting that I knew best and that someday she’d come to understand my point of view. She was being a typical teenager, rolling her eyes and blowing me off.

Later that night, I wrote on Facebook:

“If you could go back in time and give a piece of advice to your 15-year-old self, what would you say?”

And then I went to bed.

Typically, the things I put on Facebook might get a couple of likes and very few comments, so I was completely unprepared for what I found on my phone the next morning. On of the Facebook icon on my phone’s screen was a red circle with the number “238”. As I blearily rubbed my eyes, wondering what was wrong with my phone, the number jumped. “239”. Then, “240”.

I opened the app to find a flood of messages from high school and college classmates, from my parents and their friends, and from complete strangers. Each offered some advice or snippet of wisdom they wished someone had told them years before, so they wouldn’t have had to learn the hard way.

“Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s just fine.”


“Being brave doesn’t mean never being afraid. It means not letting fear syou.”

“Let go of who you were, love who you are, look forward to who you’ll be.”

“Freedom comes from forgiving yourself and others.”

The question had touched a sensitive nerve. People felt some deep wish to talk to their younger selves, to reassure them and help them and guide them through life. There was advice on love and marriage from people I knew had recently gone through divorce. Reflections on the importance of hard work (and luck) from some of the most professionally successful people I know.  Thoughts on family and friends from those who’d lost people they loved.

“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”

“The reason you’re in this mess is because your poor decision making.”

“Take care of your brothers and sisters. You may not like them all the time, but you always need to be there for each other.”

“If he cheats, leave. Immediately. Don’t look back. No second chances.”

This was a new and different side of Facebook than I’d been accustomed to seeing. Normally, we treat Facebook as a place to present our “best selves” – the happy, successful, fulfilled people we all are sometimes and wish we could be all the time. But these responses, and their hard-earned wisdom, had a feeling of heartfelt authenticity and vulnerability that made them stand out as important and meaningful.

“Be present. Put your phone down and be with me. I’m more important than whatever’s going on in your phone. And if I’m not, what are we doing?”

“Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

“Forgive yourself for foolish things you did in the past. Yes, you're an idiot, but we all are.”

“Either you can accept your situation or change it, but don’t complain about it.”

I shared the post with my kids. Here and there, they saw something that made them nod or smile. “Got any more like this?” they asked.

So, starting that afternoon, I began posting the same question all over various social media platforms, and the answers started to come pouring in from all over the world.

“Your success in life is largely dependent on how many uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have.”

“If someone is gossiping to you, they are most certainly gossiping about you.”

“If she’s talking to you when she doesn’t have to, she likes you.”

“Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from poor judgment.”

Paging through thousands of responses, some prominent, consistent themes became evident. Based on the frequency of repetition, the three most important things everyone should know is to take care of your teeth, learn to say ‘no’, and wear sunscreen.

But many of the responses were unique and showed careful consideration. Many were clearly very personal, hard lessons deeply learned.

“Sobsessing about her. She’s clearly not that into you. And while you’re trying to fix something that can’t be fixed, you’re not looking around at all the possibilities that are walking right past you.”

“When dealing with challenges and hard times, act in a way that will make you proud of yourself when it's all over.”

(節錄)

Jonathan Brody 作者作品表

100個爸爸送給你的成功語錄
100個爸爸送給你的真愛語錄

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