CHAPTER 1 青春之愛
CHAPTER 2 男女之愛
CHAPTER 3 夫妻之愛
CHAPTER 4 性愛
Hey! Stop! You need to read this first.
Someone once said, “Free advice is often overpriced”. He was right.
This book is full of free advice, freely given from people who do not know you, and do not understand your problems. The advice these people offer is based on their own experience, which may be very different from yours. Therefore, you need to be careful about choosing which advice, if any, to follow, and how to apply it to your own life. Good advice for one person may be very bad advice for someone else.
That said, the experience of other people often can provide value in our own lives. Human relationships are complicated. Life can be frustrating. Growing up can be confusing. Trying to figure all this out on your own can be exhausting. Everyone needs to find sources of experience and wisdom in their lives. Some people look to their parents and grandparents. Others find it in literature or religion. However, wherever you find that wisdom and experience, it’s up to you to decide if it’s right for you.
As you read, take note of particular advice that resonates with you. Maybe you’ll find something that’s directly related to something you’re going through right now. Maybe you’ll find something that you completely disagree about. You can use these pieces of advice as a way to start useful conversations with people in your own life, people who do understand you and know about the challenges you’re facing. Share these pieces of advice with people you trust: your friends, your parents and your teachers. Ask them what they think – they may offer a new perspective that helps you find the answers you’re looking for.
嘿！ 等等！ 您得先讀讀這個。
閱讀時，請注意與您產生共鳴的特別建議。也許您會發現一些與您正在經歷的事情直接相關的建議。也許您會發現您完全不同意的建議。您可以利用這些建議，作為與了解您和您所面臨挑戰的人，開始進行有用的對話的一種方式。與您信任的人分享這些建議：您的朋友、父母和師長。詢問他們的想法 - 他們可能會提供新的視角，幫助您找到所需的答案。
This book started with frustration and a Facebook post. I’d gotten into an argument with my daughter over dinner. What was the argument about? I really can’t even remember, but I was being the typical parent, insisting that I knew best and that someday she’d come to understand my point of view. She was being a typical teenager, rolling her eyes and blowing me off.
Later that night, I wrote on Facebook:
“If you could go back in time and give a piece of advice to your 15-year-old self, what would you say?”
And then I went to bed.
Typically, the things I put on Facebook might get a couple of likes and very few comments, so I was completely unprepared for what I found on my phone the next morning. On of the Facebook icon on my phone’s screen was a red circle with the number “238”. As I blearily rubbed my eyes, wondering what was wrong with my phone, the number jumped. “239”. Then, “240”.
I opened the app to find a flood of messages from high school and college classmates, from my parents and their friends, and from complete strangers. Each offered some advice or snippet of wisdom they wished someone had told them years before, so they wouldn’t have had to learn the hard way.
“Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s just fine.”
“Being brave doesn’t mean never being afraid. It means not letting fear syou.”
“Let go of who you were, love who you are, look forward to who you’ll be.”
“Freedom comes from forgiving yourself and others.”
The question had touched a sensitive nerve. People felt some deep wish to talk to their younger selves, to reassure them and help them and guide them through life. There was advice on love and marriage from people I knew had recently gone through divorce. Reflections on the importance of hard work (and luck) from some of the most professionally successful people I know. Thoughts on family and friends from those who’d lost people they loved.
“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”
“The reason you’re in this mess is because your poor decision making.”
“Take care of your brothers and sisters. You may not like them all the time, but you always need to be there for each other.”
“If he cheats, leave. Immediately. Don’t look back. No second chances.”
This was a new and different side of Facebook than I’d been accustomed to seeing. Normally, we treat Facebook as a place to present our “best selves” – the happy, successful, fulfilled people we all are sometimes and wish we could be all the time. But these responses, and their hard-earned wisdom, had a feeling of heartfelt authenticity and vulnerability that made them stand out as important and meaningful.
“Be present. Put your phone down and be with me. I’m more important than whatever’s going on in your phone. And if I’m not, what are we doing?”
“Don’t take yourself so seriously.”
“Forgive yourself for foolish things you did in the past. Yes, you're an idiot, but we all are.”
“Either you can accept your situation or change it, but don’t complain about it.”
I shared the post with my kids. Here and there, they saw something that made them nod or smile. “Got any more like this?” they asked.
So, starting that afternoon, I began posting the same question all over various social media platforms, and the answers started to come pouring in from all over the world.
“Your success in life is largely dependent on how many uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have.”
“If someone is gossiping to you, they are most certainly gossiping about you.”
“If she’s talking to you when she doesn’t have to, she likes you.”
“Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from poor judgment.”
Paging through thousands of responses, some prominent, consistent themes became evident. Based on the frequency of repetition, the three most important things everyone should know is to take care of your teeth, learn to say ‘no’, and wear sunscreen.
But many of the responses were unique and showed careful consideration. Many were clearly very personal, hard lessons deeply learned.
“Sobsessing about her. She’s clearly not that into you. And while you’re trying to fix something that can’t be fixed, you’re not looking around at all the possibilities that are walking right past you.”
“When dealing with challenges and hard times, act in a way that will make you proud of yourself when it's all over.”