The world of the university can be a mystery to those who sit outside, and even to those who study and work in a university environment. In this parody observer's guide the reader will learn about the complex ecology of the academic world. With handy one page guides to the different 'species' you will learn where to see different characters-for example "Chief Financial Officers make cosy nests in offices which are generally in close association with other species of the Executiva (particularly Directors of Estates), with whom they like to drink tea". - and their characteristic calls. The Pro-Vice Chancellor is most readily identified by their use of management-speak. "Ballpark figure", "Going forward", "Mission critical", and "Baked in figures" are commonly heard calls.