"Why would a woman stay with an abusive man?"You could as easily ask, "Why does a soldier run in panic as the enemy charges?" The response is that human beings don't always live up to the ideal of the simple question or easy answer. Most of us see ourselves as the hero in any given story, which makes it more difficult to watch a friend or loved one making decisions based in fear and secrecy. The truth is that leaving an abusive partner is hard and dangerous, and tough words from well-meaning family, colleagues, or friends, such as "I'd never let a man put his hands on me," are little more than bluster if not supported by action and deed. Brave words merely spoken mean next to nothing; courage actually lived is the stuff of legend.In this book you will read of failures and why, of successes and why. The theme of this book is hope . . . and taking those first terrifying steps to live life safely. This is where you come in because taking decisive action to escape enforced bondage has always been bestaccomplished with help. Getting involved means placing less emphasis on "Why would she staywith someone who abuses her?" and more energy into the question "What are WE going to do to make sure this never happens again?" The answer involves courage, commitment . . . and you. If you've ever uttered phrases, such as "I'd do anything to help" or "that man better never lay a hand on you," I'm offering a challenge to turn your words into courageous action that will makea difference in a way mere words can never do alone.This book is written for the sisters, brothers, daughters, and parents of intimate partner violence victims; the co-workers and supervisors, hair stylists, physicians, fellow PTA members, and dental hygienists who might just spot telltale clues of secret injuries or spirits being crushed; and maybe at some point this book could be for the victims themselves when they finally get to a place in their lives where reading a self-help book isn't a cruel irony anymore.Consider this a call to arms that we take on this monster as an educated, determined group that won't rest until every man, woman, and child can live in their own home in safety and surrounded by love. The strategy is to form a shield wall to protect them, and then we fill those solid walls withpatience and persistence, information and empathy, love and forgiveness. We make sure they have access to any services they might need, including legal advice, transportation assistance, job-hunting skills, safe living accommodations, medical and mental healthcare, education, andchild support. And certainly, that shield wall includes my brethren, the good men and women serving in law enforcement across the country, who have a sworn duty to protect them from harm. It begins with us. It begins today.
